"In The Morning"

When I opened my eyes and reached out my arms to touch you, you weren't there. Was I dreaming? Are you real? The love that I felt, did I really feel? I am not sure because you are not here. I want to believe that this was not a fleeting moment. This was not a one shot deal but you're gone. How does it feel, you ask?...Cold. The left side of the bed is empty and cold. I'm not sure if I would feel better if you left a Benjamin on the night stand. I guess, at least, I would have a memento of your presence and I would know my night wasn't a dream. I would know that you came...in more ways than one. Right now I am not sure of anything because you're not here. It all feels like a distant memory. Were you really making love to me?

You left quietly in the wee hours of the morning to ensure that I could only protest silently....Please don't go. Usually, I'm strong in these instances but my strength oozed out of my vaginal walls when you penetrated me. I'm having a momentary lapse of weakness and I don't like it at all. I feel tainted, unwanted and ultimately alone. Yet you were just here, loving me, passionately. Is my mind playing tricks on me and is my heart sure to follow my mind's lead? I did not sign up to be the "other" woman but ironically I feel that I am not the 1st choice. After a night of passionate, intense, yet sensual love making....Why are you not here in the morning? I truly thought you admired me but the fact that my bed is half full is proof that you had some other place to be that was more important than me. I now doubt the words you uttered in the heat of the moment. Do you really love me or is it these sugar walls you endear? I can't even ask you because you're not here.

I've waited so long for love or at least what I thought love could be. Needless to say, with these disappearing acts, love continues to allude me. I cannot give you my all when I'm not sure how you really feel. All I know for sure is that in the morning, you're not here. You may not realize the significance of you leaving so quietly as to not disturb my slumber. Although, I am use to sleeping alone, at this particular break of dawn, I feel lonely. You touched me deeply and then crept away, I didn't have a chance to ask you to stay. If I am the woman you desire then why is it so easy for you to leave right after you've come? Huh? I guess you could answer me if you were here.

I fear this is a pattern of sorts and I refuse to collaborate on setting this precedence. I am better than that, I am so much more. I will be prepared for the next time I open my door and let you in for a night of sin. I'll make sure there is barbed wire around my mind, body and soul, so I won't be caught off guard again. When that night comes and you decide you want to stay, because now you're entangled....stuck in these sugar walls. You'll look at me pitifully, like a deer caught in the headlights. I'll just smile while I casually let you know that you must go and I'll call you in the morning!!