A Thank You Letter!

I have realized that within the last two years I have acquired a group of guys that send me periodic messages, who I now refer to as, The "Check-In Boyz"! This group is made up of four guys. Two that I have dated in the past and two that have had an interest in me for years now! One sends quarterly messages, one monthly, one weekly and one bi-weekly. It usually goes as follows:
Their Message: Hey, how are you?
My Reply: I'm good. How are you?
Their Response: OK. Well, I was just checking on you........
And initially, I guess I found a "small" joy in that because it felt good to know that somebody actually cared enough to want to know, 'how I'm doin?'. But in the last three months......Well, that shit started to get on my nerves! Like Literally! LOL! I developed nerve damage in my left leg within the last three months, from a pre-existing injury, and so, I've been having to deal with that crap too! So, when I say that shit was "literally" gettin' on my nerves........Um, let me just put it this way, this is the first time in my life that I've ever dealt with nerve pain and nerve pain is ENOUGH BY ITSELF! So, to have to add in the bullshit from anybody else, work or even myself........NOT!

I began to think and feel recently, 'What the fuck are they checking on? My availability? Just so they can continue to NOT ask me out? To NOT attempt to cultivate a relationship with me? I don't get what they're "checking" on? To make sure I'm not involved with anyone else and I take the phone call? WHY ARE THEY CONSTANTLY "CHECKING" ON ME???' So, that was where I was at with it. Along with, being sick of paying for my own dinner all the time (you laugh BUT I'm spoiled), sick of not having a steady thing to do on a Saturday night, tired of not having my "Plus One" and suddenly tired of getting those messages!

Then God gave me an epiphany! And it took a culmination of the last three months for this epiphany to become clear to me. I got SO tired of complaining about my leg that I got tired of complaining about work too, and about paying for my own dinner, and about nobody stepping up to love me and about not doing what I was put on this earth to do! Not using the gift that I was blessed with and feeling like I was letting it waste away! HE said, "Concentrate, My Child, and all will fall in line." I'm gonna put myself out there and say that I was worried that I had already had my 15 minutes of fame but HE told me that the devil was a liar and that being blessed with a gift is something that can't be taken away from me BUT can be lost if the gift is not used and exercised! So, I have made some "power" moves and I have learned from my past experiences, and I won't get distracted this time around because there is nobody in my life really except for my close friends and family, those that have ALWAYS been there, and so.......I WILL NOT LOSE!

In closing, I've started writing a movie, in which I will NOT stop until completed, and since I have decided to fade off of everything EXCEPT writing, I'm going hard tonight and thinking, 'When I'm not working on the screenplay, I can do the blog and get my "real life" writing out! But either way I'm writing!'
So, I would like to thank the "check-in" boyz for lighting the fire in me to have NO reason not to focus! And I would like to embrace the 13 year old injury that caused my nerve pain and made me sick of listening to myself talk! The pain gave me the motto: "Shut the fuck up and BE ABOUT IT!" and lastly I would like to thank God for feeding me inspiration through other people's words, things I saw on t.v., having an old friend produce letters I had written to her 23-22 years ago, having my spirit feel like I've cried wolf to my sister and my BFF for a thousand years already. AND having my back, telling me to, "jump" on faith. But mostly, I have to thank God for being in my life SO LONG that I can actually recollect a time where He had me "jump" on faith and there wasn't just a net underneath me..........there was a cloud of elevation!
Long story, Longer (LOL!) ............I'M BAAAAAAAAAAACK!
AND THERE'S NO STOPPING ME!!

Signed Your Girl,
Glitteratti