Downhill Battle!

I feel like I’m dying while awake! I’ve been utterly depressed for the last three weeks! I don’t even feel like writing but there’s nothing to do tonight at work and this was all I could think of to get my mind off the 6 hours I have left to be here before I can go back home and crawl into my bed. The only place I’ve wanted to be since the downward spiral began. I feel like I’m becoming a loner. I don’t want to talk to anybody because my energy is too negative and I don’t want to see anybody because I don’t like people right now. Everybody at work keeps asking me am I alright but when I tell them, “No!” they can’t fix it so why do they even ask????? I think they're just being nosey! I hate nosey!
I’m so lonely! I’m so lonely and I can’t change it! I just went out for a birthday party last week and saw all the SAME people that I used to see when I used to hang out back in the day! I feel like I need a change of scenery! I live in the guesthouse on my parent’s property because when my sister moved out, they needed the help financially and now I just want to bail out on them too! I’m tired of hearing about their problems! The SAME problems they complained about when I was a teenager and lived at home! My mom spends too much money, so says my father and my dad drinks too much beer, so says my mother and I don’t GIVE A SHIT about either! When I didn’t live close, I never had to hear it and now it seems like because I’m there, I’m the “go to” person when they’re having problems! Get a fuckin’ counselor!
I would like to move away somewhere far away from everything and focus only on my writing until it becomes what God has destined for it to be. Somewhere warm, somewhere to inspire inspiration. I want to get away from all these lames ass clubs with these lame ass niggas and start over fresh. But then that gets me to thinking about my age..... How do you start over fresh at 37? It sounds ridiculous and enlightening at the same time! Shall I just accept my life for what it has become OR do I make the moves that my insides are telling me to and see where it takes me? This is certainly some kind of mid-life crisis! This is certainly not me!