Open Letter

Damn I miss you! I couldn't sleep last night because just about every memory I have of us ran through my mind, like a movie of our life together playing before my eyes. I didn't even call them forth, but then that's how you unknowingly do me. Since the day that we mixed I haven't been able to not desire nor not consider your presence. That's exactly the problem and trust that that's a rough place to be. Nobody compares to you.



In the history of my loving I've never felt, never experienced a love that moved me like this and I thank you and curse you with the same breath. Bad or good you influenced me. Bitter and sweet you deeply affected the woman that I am. And here it is a year later and I'm still trying to find my way back from whatever it was and whoever we were. I guess it's because in you I saw the family that I wanted to co-create, thus the life (at least a piece of it) that I wanted to have. To date I still can't seem to let go of it. I haven't let go of the dreams, desires, hopes and wishes that I placed in you. And I'm sorry, regretting that I placed soo much, too much in your power.



Just wasn't meant... I guess. Even then I couldn't understand the differences because to me they didn't exist. Plain, bright and colorful as they were I flat out chose to not acknowledge them. Funny thing is TO this day I still don't believe that they exist, or at least matter. But then again... Yes I do. So far away from you I see the lack of match... Your years, your expectations Or lack there of, your values, your morals. Damn I'm confused, weary because from a completely different view you were everything and in fact a perfect match. A heart so kind that it went out of its way to respect the elderly and so obviously warm that there was not one child I saw come across you that didn't smile. You fed me, you shared, you condsidered me, you caressed me, lovingly you felt concern over my body, my self value, my spirit, and my sanity enough times for me to notice your authenticity.



I wish...........