Royal Flush........

      You never know what life can bring your way! And you have no control over what cards you will be dealt either....You just have to be ready to play the game you're placed in and do your best to come out with a winning hand. 
      I have been through a range of emotions this past month. I'd recently been entertaining myself on my way into work by reading some of my old blogs. Two distinct things blew me away......Pardon my hubris, but one was the fact that I was actually beguiling my train rides with my own stories and correct me if I'm wrong but that's gotta mean something, right? The second thing being that my life six years ago was VASTLY different than it is today! I spent a lot of time talking about loneliness, wanting to be in love and the ton of terrible prospects that came across my path. There were certain entries where I am almost positive I was whining. Reading them took me back to the very place that I was emotionally. I was sad during that time. Sad and confused why it had become so hard to find the love that I deserved. Can you imagine my surprise being that I was now reading these entries while having currently been in a relationship for the last five years (longest relationship in my life, I might add) and also as a mother to a 3 year old son. I mean, I went from a solo career,  to a wife in the making and caregiver extraordinaire! All of this reading just further strengthened my faith, honestly. It let me know that God REALLY hears my cries....That HE really answers prayers and your trials are not all in vain. I know that this may sound easy for me to say.....Now that I have what I was longing for but trust me, my heart was aching and lonely for a LONG time! I suddenly have this new found joy that I am privileged to experience everyday with my son and this magnificent relationship that I have been building with his father. We were both in the same exact place when we met each other and it didn't hurt that we weren't in our 20's and still trying to find ourselves. I personally, had put a ton of work in on making me a better me before we met. I genuinely believe that my self work has a whole hell of a lot to do with the success of our relationship. Although, my pining and craving for love in my life was a truly difficult period and this may sound cliche' but, I swear the minute that I threw up my hands, said 'Fuck It!' and basically convinced myself that I would probably be single the rest of my life......He came knocking at my door! I never even contemplated children on the other hand, because I definitely wasn't going that route being single. Let alone the fact that I wasn't really sure that I wanted any children in the first place. I valued my life being mine and not having to care for anyone but myself. Nonetheless, when love came and swept me off my feet, it was him that convinced me that I would be okay becoming a mom, that I could handle it, that it was a blessing, that the child would be the epitome of our love.....And for my son alone, I thank him for coming into my life when he did. 
I could go on and on about my past and how it helped me prepare for some of my greatest tasks to date but my real reason for this entry is to tell all of my single girlfriends that may feel like all hope is gone.......Hold on to your hat! Love is coming!....Just make sure that you're already groomed when it shows up! Spend your free time doing all the personal,  intimate, soul searching, homework you can because you can't be broken yourself and expect to connect with someone else and form a whole unit.
      Aside from the realization of change that has occurred in my life, I was also faced with a family crisis. Someone I love very much has been disconnected from life and in essence I feel like they have also disconnected from me. Making statements about how death would be more suitable than life itself and how miserable they feel day after day. What bothers me most about the situation is the fact that I am absolutely powerless. There is nothing I can do to get this person to care about anything! Talking hasn't helped, being irate hasn't helped, even pretending to abandon them hasn't helped, so the only thing left for me is prayer. I just said that my faith has been strengthened, so here's another challenge to put it to the test I assume?
      I have also been dealing with some emotional things regarding friends/friendships. In one of the situations, things had been a little shaky even before our most recent incident and we're both stubborn so I'm not sure when we'll mend what's been broken but........Long story short is, I now realize when major changes occur in your life, your friendships and relationships around you must also change some. Everything and everyone must figure out how to adapt in your "new" way of doing things. Your availability may not be the same, your priorities have changed and the time and energy that you spend on your friendships or relationships may be way less than what it had been in the past. But its not to say that you no longer love the people in your life, just that they have to allow you to be in their life a little less. I understand that when your friends suffer emotional tragedy that they need to be able to rely on you for support, comfort and encouragement but what happens if you and your friend experience emotional tragedy simultaneously? Do you just toss your baggage to the side to help them with theirs or do you then have to make the decision to choose YOU.....when that wasn't something you normally did? Either way, you must always keep in mind that some people are suffering or struggling with situations that you know nothing about. So try to remember that unless your friend was a bad friend all along, there is probably a reason why they haven't come running to your aid like they usually do. Maybe they need someone to come to their rescue for emotional support because of their own recent circumstances. If the person doesn't fit in either category of reason or season and this is someone you thought you'd have for a lifetime, check the surroundings of the relationship and figure out what may have caused the rift in the first place so that you can eventually put it back together.
      I have even been reminded of the wonders of God as of late, by watching a terrible cut heal on my finger. I practically cut my ring finger down to the bone, right on top of my knuckle. Man was that an ugly sight! It's taken a good three weeks plus for it to heal because with it being on my knuckle, every time I had to bend my finger I would reopen the wound. Still day after day, week after week, my finger healed more and more. The skin is practically closed now. Just being able to witness the progression of healing amazed me, how the body was designed to regenerate itself. If something gets injured, it already automatically knows how to repair itself. The healing process alone is evidence that God is REAL.
      And here is where I tie it all together........We don't have a say in when our time is up, nor what's to happen in our lives for that matter.......But we do have a choice, a choice to be happy rather than sad, optimistic as opposed to pessimistic, hold on to faith instead of doubt and we have already been given all that we need to succeed in this thing called life. We're being guided along our destinies day by day and should not worry about the outcome, rather yet, enjoy EVERY day! Be positive, have hope and happiness..........because in order to receive what you're longing for, no matter what it is, you have to go into each day with the belief that what you desire is on its way to you. You do that, and every hand your dealt is Blackjack!