"I am Woman....Hear me Roar!!!"

My blood began to reach a rapid boil as I listened to my male friend complain about his fiancés lack of ambition and how this deficiency might lead to other issues that he felt may hinder their future. I immediately knew why I was so angry. I have several platonic male friends, genuinely good guys, which find themselves in a similar situation with their wives, live in girlfriends, baby mothers or forever fiancé’s. Yet I know that the distinctiveness they claim to seek in a woman is within me. I cannot seem to wrap my mind around the fact that some men actively seek out women that they feel are unsound in ways they deem wearisome. I think my temperature was 103°, when I decided to ask the question of the hour, “Why are you with someone that you feel is not on your level and not with someone more like me, the independent woman that you claim you need in your life?”

After a significant pause, he replied, “She is a sweet person.” I could feel my brow wrinkle in perplexity. Was I not a sweet person? I cook, clean, do laundry, give massages, please sexually and mentally, add money to the household and watch sports. Is that not sweet? Of course his lame answer was not sufficient and I pressed him for a more detailed explanation. I knew he did not want to be completely honest. His face contorted as if to find a profound retort way back in his psyche. All the while, the answer was really on the tip of his tongue. I decided to give him more time to think so I continued to vent. “I love to cater to my man. I am not above cooking my sweetheart a meal in the middle of the night if he is hungry or rubbing his back when he is weary. Furthermore, I would give my man the personal space to be himself. I feel as though I would want the same space to be me.” Trying not to seem like he was stalling he enthusiastically agreed that those were the things he liked and wanted in a woman.

He exhaled as he begins to finally answer my question, “Yes, you do all of those things and more. You also come from a good family and they too expect certain things from the person you choose to be with. However, I am not ready for that type of responsibility. Being with a woman of your caliber will require work that I am not willing to put in at this time. Basically the woman I am with right now is a project and I can work with that.” My heart was instantly crushed. Although I already knew the answer to my question, it was just frightening to hear it thrown back in my face. All sorts of thoughts begin to overwhelm my mind. My own experiences began pushing and shoving to the forefront. I recollected relationships where I stifled my own ambition and opinion so that my man could be prominent. These men were my ventures. I would occasionally act as if there were tasks I could not accomplish and obstacles that were too much for me to hurdle….all for the sake of letting him feel like THE man. None of those “ventures” ever became the big score. I saw their potential. Now I know they just did not want to reach for that potential. They are content with hoping that one day, maybe, they will achieve their dreams without much struggle or effort. I am sorry to disappoint you but that is a fantasy. In my reality, at the ripe age of 36,”Ventures/Projects” are a thing of the past. It is a form of settling for second when you know you put your head down, stuck your neck out, broke the tape and crossed the finish line first. I can no longer concede victory. I like winning too much.

At the thought of winning, my anger turned hastily into sadness. This is a major defeat for single women. The pool of virile sharks just became a fish pond of guppies. Well, it has for women like me that are ambitious and strong but still want a man that will grab the bull by the horns and take charge. Sorrowfully there are men out here that are afraid to step up to the plate and be unwillingly challenged. To these men I say….Grow a set of balls!! Be afraid of Aids, poverty, death…even complacency; but do not fear a beautifully strong independent woman. More importantly don’t be afraid of being a grown ass man. Are there any available grown men out there anymore? My name is Brooklyn. I am a tiger looking for a lion. “I am woman….hear me roar!!!”