I'm Ready!

If and when you finally realize that you are not in a boat by yourself does that help to ease the pain of loneliness? Not in my book it doesn’t. Even though you have your other single friends to get you through the monotonous days, most nights are spent alone. It’s almost like I’m constantly a witness to a crime and stuck in this room with a line-up of losers! I have the every three month callers, the once a month callers, the bi-weekly callers and then I have a small group of texters that send me these little shitty messages probably just to feel me out and see if I’m still an applicable item for their “available” list! What kind of cowardice is that? Will all the REAL dudes, please stand up?
My best friend always tells me that God is still preparing my husband and that the time will come but I’m ready NOW! I’ve already been through my cathartic period of no sex, no men and just a personal journey; which in and of itself was enlightening to me as an individual. I really got to know myself; I learned to be honest with myself and came to an understanding as to why sex had to be cut off from my life while I got my affairs in order. For me, with intimacy comes a love stronger than like. I was using sex as a way to be close to someone but without the strings, thinking that I could outsmart “love” and mute my feelings for as long as I wanted…………….Boy, did that blow up in my face! Hence the reason for the personal journey! Once I knew how to deal with myself and I could honestly answer the questions of what I really want and what I’m looking for, to me, it became easy for me to ask those things of someone else because I had rooted out everything that was true within and knew personally that I was only asking for what I deserved and nothing more. But even though I feel like I’ve pulled it all together emotionally, my dating pool seems to leave me wading in the kiddie section with no diving board! Before I said that I was told that I was intimidating because I was outspoken, but back then I was a professional liar so I was continuously dodging shit from left to right; vacillating between fiction and non-fiction. Now………Now, that I am fully aware of who I am and honest about it, it seems worse! These niggas can’t take me calling them on their shit! If you ask me out then I would expect us to go out, not see me months down the line and act like you never asked me just to ask me again! I guess in the past I was more hoping that the tentative dates would never come to be because I usually had so many things going on, so the bullshittin’ about it was easy. Maybe everybody that asks me out has other shit going on like I used to? Maybe its karma coming back to bite me in the ass? Maybe mutha fuckas just need something to say? But I’ve had enough of the games! I say I’m ready! Ready for love, ready to be honest about my feelings, ready to make a lover a best friend first, ready to fuck during a thunderstorm and make love while its snowing outside, ready to build something real on a solid foundation that can’t be shaken by the most indomitable force! I’m ready for the other half of me! Where is he?

"The only never that's for sure, is the never that you'll never know."

Mint Condition